Bible Study

well, i am new to this as u can see.....never been a Blogger before but i thought this might be a good idea to clear my head and to tlk without being interupted for once.

well i went to Bible Study with a good friend of mine today..and i really enjoyed it!! well going to the bible study made me think about alot of things...wht started my mind rolling is this comment..."changing the way u think, will change the way u act" ... and i mean i got BUTTERFLIES...ive sat in my bed and just THOUGHT soo many times...about random things...and more serious things...and sometimes i concluded that i might be slighty crazy...lol...but i got over it. i realized tht what he said was atually tru. i want SO much out of life for me and my child and im prepared to do what i have to to get it but first i must change the way i think. same applies to relationships, i feel like i want one so bad and that i cud be a wonderful woman to sum lucky man but first i need to prepare myself MENTALLY to be a benifit to him. i think so much tht i think WRONG as the saying says, lol.

the other thing that he said was "when u mature ur perception of things changes, u start to see things diffrently" and tht cuddnt be so tru!! i think abt when i was a child wht my household was like and how i thought tht compared to my friends i had a prety decent household not knowing everything tht went on once i went to sleep....compared to now, knowing sum of the things that happend in my household and growing up and learning to take care of things on my own. and who ppl really are in ur life. looking at men in a WHOLE NEW LIGHT. my mind wanders in so many directions tht sumtime i overwhelm my self but i think back to when my perception of wht a man was, was being formed and how screwed up it was compared to now...having a child and realtionship and ppl who only want u for sex and it all stems bak to the way i was/am thinking. my vision of these things are blurry and until i change the way i think my vision will never become clear. until i change the way i think i will never be able to get the things my heart desires out of life...im workin on becoming a better ME and a better mother because i put my mind to it...but unitl i change my thoughts about the world around me my outlook on it will never be a prosperous one. i guess the saying "if u put ur mind to it...." is the same here...but it made me think about all the times i said i wasnt goin bakk to him and anytime he called i went running...but once i had made up my mind tht i was done with the bafoonery...i WAS DONE. i wanna be a good mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee and so on...and to do this i need to start with me!! as do u if thats wht u want to do...so to start im gonna think in a whole new way. i cant allow my circumstance to dictate the way i think or the way i act. i have to mentally and physically gain control and trust in God to make a way even when there may not be a way. i have to learn how to be happy with the skin im in and create the life that i want by first THINKING that i can and then DOING it...my vision wil become clear with time...dammit im seeing alil better as i type. lol well This Is Me...

*deep breath out* well...this blog is meant for me to releave some steam and i THINK i did a good enough job for tonight. lol. idk if u enjoyed my thoughts but if u made it this far THANK YOU FOR READING i do appreciate it. well....Everybody Hates Chris is on...GOTTA GO....**kisses**